I am a person that is driven. There are things I want to do, places I want to go. I have this apt sense of the future, it’s what I live for, to reach my goals and dreams.
But there is a part of me, a gray area, an inner critic, the ego. I am my worst enemy, always telling me what to do, what not to say, telling me that I'm not doing enough, judging, comparing, and devouring the full potential that is me.
They say identifying your problem is the first step to recovery, which means I've started the processes of getting rid of this critic. It’s one of the main things that I've been working on in my life. Sometimes just as I feel like I'm growing and becoming more centered, I find myself thrown into a new situation where I am swallowed up, chewed and spit out – “two steps back” as they say.
This aspect that I'm trying to get rid of can be described and seen in so many ways. It’s the thing that keeps me from expressing, asking for what I want, loving another, saying what I need to say; it makes me self conscious, it causes fear, it tells me I’m limited even though I know I’m infinite, it controls me.
But every time I have an experience where I am able to take control and silence my critic, I know that growth is happening. I build strength, confidence, like an immunity. Even writing this post proves to myself that I'm getting somewhere. I’ve had beautiful people in my life be my teachers; my parents, uncles and aunts, siblings, and friends. And I know with out a doubt I’ll be completely free to be fully me, in time.
I guess I'm just telling myself as well as others that may be going through this too, its ok. It takes time to fully understand yourself, and find your own way, but know that in this moment you are what you are, and that ok.
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